Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
