dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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