Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He passed out mid-signature
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
