Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
