I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Let's paint friendship bongs
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Randomize
