I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
