blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
