just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
