How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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