I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
