my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
