I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
