yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
