So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
