i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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