we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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