She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
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