woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Randomize
