oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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