Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
