Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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