he wants to bone in the snuggie
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
