just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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