We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
