Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
