so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
