I can tuck mytits in my pants
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
