Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
