I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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