how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
