Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
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Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
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You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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