Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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