You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
