there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
