where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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