third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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