cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
