Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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