You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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