I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize