She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
