I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
