When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
how drunk are you?
Several
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
