Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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