Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
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