I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
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