Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
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so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
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I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize