my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
