and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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