is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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