No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
