life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
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