also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
