she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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