he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
