I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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