Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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