david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
