She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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