She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
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I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
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I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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