this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
