Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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