I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
