You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
