this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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