I want to stick my p in your. b.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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