If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
