There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
and she was petting her beer can
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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