you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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