I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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